this was not a love,
this was a thing we did to kill time between
the wars we waged against our own bodies.
the best of intentions,
gone rancid. i forgave myself
and stopped trying to throw my own skin out with the bath water.
i learned to hold my breath
when you put your hands away. i forgive you.
my hair is shorter now, my ears all marked up with metal.
my throat is clean of your name. i forgive you.
now i am mine to keep.
i forgive you. i am mine to keep. i forgive you.
Don’t you see? Your home is not in my bones anymore. Baby, it was good while it lasted, but I cannot swallow the distance between us or the anger that climbs up my throat when I know you’ve only fallen in love with the idea of me. I don’t even know what your voice sounds like; I used to dream about kissing you, but now your text messages make me flinch. We weren’t meant for this. Lock your doors against my ghost and find a girl who won’t be afraid to tell you her real name. I wasn’t born to be your shelter. I know I promised forever to you with ink and blood, but I’ve always had a liar’s mouth – it’s part of being a poet. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m no good at this. I’m sorry.
Please stop calling.
Please stop calling. I Deleted Your Number, I Wish You’d Do the Same
One day you will
who glows with a
light that sets fire
to your heart, and
if you are lucky,
you will spend the
rest of your life
next to this person,
warmed by a light
that can never die.
I pray that when you
find this person,
they never leave;
because the sad truth is,
most of the time we meet
someone who lights a room
within our hearts and it’s
inside this room we remain.
The sad truth is,
we spend the rest
of our lives warmed by
a fire lit by someone
who only stuck around
to share a spark.
(Source: , via minidlamini)
For those of us who live at the shoreline
standing upon the constant edges of decision
crucial and alone
for those of us who cannot indulge
the passing dreams of choice
who love in doorways coming and going
in the hours between dawns
looking inward and outward
at once before and after
seeking a now that can breed
like bread in our children’s mouths
so their dreams will not reflect
the death of ours:
For those of us
who were imprinted with fear
like a faint line in the center of our foreheads
learning to be afraid with our mother’s milk
for by this weapon
this illusion of some safety to be found
the heavy-footed hoped to silence us
For all of us
this instant and this triumph
We were never meant to survive.
And when the sun rises we are afraid
it might not remain
when the sun sets we are afraid
it might not rise in the morning
when our stomachs are full we are afraid
when our stomachs are empty we are afraid
we may never eat again
when we are loved we are afraid
love will vanish
when we are alone we are afraid
love will never return
and when we speak
we are afraid our words will not be heard
but when we are silent
we are still afraid
So it is better to speak
we were never meant to survive